I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. Other toxic types of relationships also follow this unhealthy push-pull, up-and-down pattern as people in toxic relationships also tend to lack control over their actions. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. Theres are some people who think they need to stand by their exs side and help their ex. I am strong for my son. We can love them and care for them. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. Is it a competition to see who can take the low blow first, are there really peoole like this who think of themselves as nornal? Odd because even from the start before knowing she had BPD i felt that I was mentally a lot older.. And current nonbpd SO? I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. Often, the borderline who splits sees themselves as the victim, who is being mistreated. It may help you to look at it that way. I've met my girlfriend at work, at a worldwide corporation dealing with real estate. For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. They made fun of it or thought Im crazy. I found fighting them makes things worse. Destroyed my relationship BPD. When they find that person, they almost immediately start using that person as their punching bag to repeatedly project their emotional struggles onto him or her. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. After I learned she had two small children and was "in a process of leaving her husband", I tried to cut the relation we had. He might cheat. Best cheat first.. What the hell is this? So I did. Things you write have a big impact on people. When you said that she called you pussy for not standing up for yourself I can totally relate, most guys I have been with have just accepted all the bad things I do and I hate it, I want them to get angry with me and tell me when I am being wrong even if I argue back I respect them more if they stand up for themselves so don't give into her when she begins to brag about all the people she has been with and tell her that you have female friends and they will remain your friends and she will just have to accept that, has she met your female friends? Weve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD. 1 A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. But the main difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person with BPD doesnt. Then poof! That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. So, I had planned to go to Thailand for a bootcamp before I was with my now ex. I realize thats not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). I am atheist, but my parents are catholic and event them, hating my girlfriend, would not forgive me that. sometimes luring me with good deeds and then . I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. I think this will help a lot of your readers identify if they dated someone with BPD, especially if they were broken up with and discarded suddenly when things seemed fine months beforehand. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Be aware of it, and manage it with care. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. Dude, I get it. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). Former model, really beautiful girl. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. A wife may not think her spouse loves her, no matter what he says. I honestly believe that people with BPD shouldn't be in romantic relationships until they have shown they are willing to work hard in therapy and make progress. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. We were married and had kids together. I'm Spanish and I know what you talking about. She woke me up during night, she woke me up at the morning, she started doing it when I was making breakfast or washing myself. How To Show Your Ex You Dont Care Anymore? You have to prove her wrong. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. One day I left my laptop opened and left she read it all. 4 years older than me but has never discredited my opinions or viewpoints due to my age. Thats a classic sign of BPD. Say that you need at least a few months of no contact and that youll reach out when and if youre ready to talk again. but realise that it is just as terrifying for a borderline to witness the actions and words happening and not being able to break through the numbness that has suddenly occured. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. The problem is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these. This is indeed a common problem. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. 7600 N. 15th Street, #100Phoenix, AZ 85020. Honestly, I would break up with her. I will write everything down here (its part of my therapy). Thanks for the advise people, I really do want to take this on head first but I'm finding it so hard to deal with, yes she has met some of my female friends but not all. I doubted myself so much because I constantly had the feeling that I was dying. Some people think that those with borderline personality disorders are weak and that they always stay loyal due to their codependence, but the truth is that this isnt always the case. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Thank you Zan. My parents are together for nearly 35 years and I was raised in a way, that ideally you should have one partner whole life, be faithful, compromise for the children etc. My overnight ghosting occurred after I (by mistake) almost caused her and her husband to break up and she split me black for almost a year. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. 116.204.182.155 Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. But, in the minds of my friends the only reason a guy goes to Thailand by himself is of course to have sex. Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. There needs to be an education and understanding, a warning about people like these exploiting and manipulating the system. Nobody understood, why Im with and older women with two children. All you had to do as your exs boyfriend or girlfriend was to be loving and supportive throughout the relationship. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). It seems the only way to not be destroyed is to roll with the punches, kicks, etc.but never let them knock you down. Im so sorry to hear that. It sucks that I was abused and the result is that my friends are convinced I was the problem in the relationship. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. I have a hell of a lot of uni work atm with three deadlines next week. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. I'm scared" F: "Why do you think that?" 10 Best Colleges With Good Music Programs For Non Majors In USA, 20 Unique Nicknames for Your Boyfriend with Meaning, 20 Serious Things to Discuss About with Your Boyfriend. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. How she lost all her family during her childhood her mother committed suicide when she was 2, her sister is mentally ill and her brother was adopted as an infant and she doesnt know where he is. You need new friends anyway, yours sucked. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. You dont. For me, that was it. I wouldn't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend. We all react in different ways, some people gamble or exercise or tidy the house excessively to cope, some people have emotional instability like BPD - you can't blame yourself for everything. Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? It does not make us monsters. Signs & Symptoms of BPD The illness may have increased your exs negative emotions, but its not something you or your ex can put the blame on. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. It has been 4 months for me, as well. We went to Spain for vacation, to try to mend our relationship. 1. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. Thats why theres no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD. Mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are more common than you think. I knew I wanted to leave. To this point. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. And yes they are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next I cant agree more. He Says He's Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now, borderline personality disorder and sudden break up, Borderline personality disorder breakup cycle, borderline personality disorder relationships break up, dumped by someone with borderline personality disorder, How to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, what to do when someone with bpd pushes you away, what to do when your bpd partner breaks up with you, when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, Letting Go Of Someone You Love Who Doesnt Love You. And if they feel disinterested, they ghost and/or coldly pull away. it is that lof empathy that might hurt you, the partner. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. Well talk about how to tell if your ex has a borderline personality disorder and what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. I had a lot of friends female too. I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. Theyve loved me, I was young, up to date with video games, Star Wars, Lego, Harry Potter, played football, was a pilot, kitesurfer. It becomes difficult to see any good in your partner if you are putting your past wounds onto them and making them the person who hurt you. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. Here is what I wish I had known before dating my ex-girlfriend, who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder: Theyre in constant need of attention and. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. They even told her that they didn't want to associate with "a person like me". She destroyed my good name and reputation. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? It won't happen with just one promise "Work is not first but at this moment I must tend to it"it will happen when she realizes you've made a lot of sacrifices for her and put up with her very painful emotions (this is real pain, btw. The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. Cruel, cold, and manage it with care one persons unresearched, unsupported.... 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